Wednesday, August 11, 2004

After being told be friends who have read my statement that I don't sound like a retard, I sent my attending my draft of my statement. My heart is still pounding over the fear of what will come of this action. Maybe by fearing the worst, the result won't be as bad and it will be a happy experience in the end. What have I done?!? Time to go to work. Oh and now I wait for the response of getting Dr. Dola to write a letter and the reaction of Lotti about by statement. Good thing I have work to distract me.
~me~ at 7:27 AM

Tuesday, August 10, 2004

I don't know why I freak out like this but I'm now staring at an email to my attending with my draft of my personal statement. Dr. Kahn looked at it briefly and said it was good but he didn't exactly read it carefully but instead looked for key points that he said all statements should have. So the good news is that my statement contains all these things. Now back to my anxiety du jour. This attending is also my personal doctor and I believe I had discussed this in June after she had offered to read it initially. Perhaps I'm overdramatic but it's my drama so deal with it. I just fear that she'll read it and think I'm a complete freak and retard - though I'd imagine that she already thinks I'm an anxious freak. But worse, I fear she'll tell me that I should write a completely new statement and I just don't have that in me at this point. Waaaaah! I suppose I should just send it and deal with the results.

Related to all this, I went to see if Dr Dola would write a letter of rec for me but she wasn't in and won't be back until tomorrow or thursday so I ended up leaving the message with her secretary. I had wanted to do it in person but I can't leave my sub-i every afternoon - I feel guilty for taking this afternoon off as it is. So I'm hoping she'll say yes but again, I fear the big N-O. Maybe I need some anti-anxiety drugs until this process is over in March. I'm such a baby it's annoying me! Apparently I'm in the top half of my class which I think is a nice way of saying I'm average.

Well...I guess I'll press the send button on that email.

I feel an ulcer forming.
~me~ at 4:48 PM

Sunday, August 08, 2004

Great News! I passed TOSCE!!! It's that lame-o standardized patient exam we have to pass to graduate. And it confirmed my status as Average. I kicked ass on some patients but since I didn't find out that my insomniac was a crack addict, well, that brought the score down. As did my mind wandering about zebra land when it came to the diabetic neuropathy. But at least everyone else did about the same as I did on each of those exams so I don't feel bad about that.

Got my bill for my annual female exam. Um, it was way cheaper than my bill for my TSH. That one prick cost me $42 and a full exam+ office visit only cost me $10. Okay, maybe only $30 since I just remembered the copay of $20 I already paid. But hey, that was still a better deal. Now to wait and see how much the bill will be for my mole removals. I don't understand why I'm getting a separate bill for that when it's all the same medical system and it occurred 1 day after the female exam.

Now, to finalize that damn personal statement...
~me~ at 11:30 AM